An embarrassing tale of love

Childhood love… oh boy! The things you do to get her attention.

I don’t usually go for sleepovers at any siblings’ place, but this was my heart acting over my brain.

The prettiest smile in the world was adorned by the girl next door to my cousin’s.


Every time I saw her, (cliched lines follow) Time just stood still, like it was just as amazed at this beauty as I was, and had to stop and stand still to admire the most innocent yet playful eyes in the world, almost like if it hadn’t stopped, it would mean disrespect to my lady’s sacred self.

I was done watching her from afar. I wanted to get her attention now. And of all the things in the world, she was playing Cricket with the guys in the gully.(narrow lane)
I sucked at batting and bowling back then, while every time she hit the ball, it skipped postal pin codes! , but I had always been a great fielder.

I told my cousin to go and talk to his mates and tell them Jhonty Rhodes is here to kick the batsman’s ass. I was sure that if I stopped her from hitting the balls into space, I’d most undoubtedly have her utmost attention.

And stop her I did.
Grab her attention I did.
Piss her off I did. God! Why you do this to me?
That wasn’t a part of the plan.

To make up for pissing her off, I made a face that I thought was supposed to mean “ I love you. No offence. Will yyou be my wife? Don’t kill me. Please have my babies.”

But as bad as my face is, I failed to interpret my emotions with it. So I thought it was time for some action, or the absence of it.
I started letting the ball past me twice or thrice for every three times. And voila! Her eyes! God! Her sparkling and smiling eyes, I could take a bullet for them.

[We are entering the embarassing part, wait for it.]

As I let the ball past me even after being warned by the captain of a field change for the third time, the ball went too far this time and cut its way into the dirty drainage filled with… things.

And I witnessed the saddest moment of my life until then. The mother of my children started crying. Even while crying (John Legend said it right. Brofist yo!) she looked beautiful. despite her acting like a tomboy, when she cried, she looked like the most delicate thing in the world. The most silent cry I had ever witnessed! And mind you kids at that age you cry like maniacs and here she was, my peaceful crying beauty..

When I learned the reason behind her tears I had decided to bring the ball back on ground zero. The ball was her brother’s and he’d kill anybody who lost it.

People are gathered around me to witness the most heroic act of the century. A kid goes into the drain to bring back his lover’s happiness, the ball. My plan was to spread my legs on the even ground and lean in to the drain till the waste level since the ball was floating there. I know! So smart I was!

But as soon as I started acting on my plan, spread my legs on either sides of the drainage and leaned in, the crowd got too excited and a second later, I was inside the drainage with my face a feet deep within.

But I was so aware of the situation, even under that dirty water I was contemplating between, if I should get out and breathe, and what if she sees me like this???!!!! THE END of my story.

But I felt a hand on my shoulder and then a little force pulling me out.

I still remember it just too well. There were more than 20 kids standing before me. There were giggles, there were abuses, my crush, standing two people away from me, looking at the maniac in black with an astounded expression and then blank, there was a milk packet stuck in the cracks formed on my wet t-shirt and then there was my cousin who just pulled me out and is bringing mom(his mom, so my mom) and a bucket of clear water.

I was thankful for something now. I was going to be saved at last, bro’s got a bucket of water for me.

But then it happened…

Mom came and started bashing with every complain she had about kids! This and that and who goes into the drainage! And I’ll tell my sister(My mom) about this! You hear me! TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF!

Did I hear it right?

Nah! Of course not! Am not taking my clothes off before this bunch and my lover is right there! She can’t see me naked! What will she think of me? Oh god!

Pedamma, I’ll do it myself. Please. (Am not even wearing an underwear, for god’s sake!)[Pedamma is Telugu for your mama’s elder sister]

Shut up! And let me finish this quickly, I have loads of other work to do apart from babysitting you idiots!

And then there was a brutal rage of laughter as I undressed myself naked before a number of idiots and my lover. Lots of giggles and I could hear every beat of my heart. I couldn’t dare, but I managed to take a look at how my crush was dealing with this situation: She still had that weird expression and I could just not read what it was, but who was I kidding? I just got naked before the whole bunch of kids in this locality after getting out of a fucking drainage filled with things, horrible, horrible things…. like hell, she’ll ever make babies with me!

And that, kids was how I lost the mother I thought you’d have… and the list is long.



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